Ah!!! Just came from my last physical therapy appointment this morning. Feeling better, but still not 100%. I'm continuing with a chiropractor for the next few weeks. I really feel confident now that I'll get back to 100%. The first few weeks had me worried and I had already envisioned a tumor growing in my head undetected and a slipped disk in my back. That's one thing. When a writer is left alone for a long period of time, the imagination can go wild. A mere stubbing of the toe on a bed post can have you wondering if you now have a blood clot that cut off circulation which will cause you to have to have your entire leg amputated within the next few weeks. I probably wouldn't have admitted this, especially on a blog for all to see, except that after reading a few other blogs and books on writing from other authors, these thoughts seem to be quite common. They seem to be great procrastination techiniques that we're all so good at developing. Whew! Now I feel like a real writer! I have the required mental instabilities and paranoia. (Just joking)

I'm going to a new chiropractor this afternoon. I'm changing to one that's in the neighborhood and I can walk (which helps since I still haven't taken the car to the dealer to get my A/C fixed and get ripped off). I decided to make the change because the last chiropractor's office just didn't give me the warm fuzzies. I'm not quite sure what to make of the experience. The doctor apparently endeared a few "kids" from the neighborhood that seemed to walk in and out of the office, going in the fridge and getting water, and sitting down amongst those receiving therapy, eating a bag of chips, at will. Just hanging out. The doctor would appear to try to discourage this activity, but the visitors would seem to pay him no mind. One also went and helped himself to the therapy equipment until the assistant, apparently a peer, told him not to because the doctor would come back there. He paid attention to her.

The treatment was actually a good one (I felt better afterwards). Just a little funny sometimes. Well, the assistant really isn't into telling you what's going on and what's about to happen. I guess information is given on a need to know basis or only if you ask. Since I had been in physical therapy for the past month, I guess I assumed that when she told me to lie on my back, she was about to massage my neck, as the therapist did. The next thing I know, she flips a switch or something and my pelvis suddenly rises up to what feels like two feet off the table, and then it's lowered. Then the roller goes over my back, then up to my neck. Well, I didn't know to expect this and my eyes shot open. One part of my brain is telling me that I'm being molested and severely groped by someone under the table. My muscles tighten up and my heart picks up its pace. But after about three revolutions, another part of my brain convinces the rest of us that we are not being molested and there's no need to scream. But that this is actually indeed a part of the therapy. After that, it began to register that this was a good massaging feeling. So, after the "move along...nothing to see here" type speech in my brain, my heart was able to slow down, my eyes closed, and my muscles relax.

The doctor seemed uneasy. Very nervous like. Like he needed several cigarette breaks or something. When he was examining my injuries, his voice was shaky and his leg would bounce up and down a mile a minute. He was making me nervous, like I would have to make a break for the door at any minute. But all in all, the thing that really got me was while I was laying on my stomach receiving my treatment from the assistant, she became perturbed with the "kid" who came in and didn't have anything for her. Now, there are other clients in the room receiving treatment, but they apparently had no problem discussing their um...purchase and need to relax, out in the open. I couldn't believe my ears.

I'm not going to name the doctor's office or location, but it was a trip! The treatment was good, but like I said, I just didn't get that oh, so fuzzy feeling. I'm going to try a new chiropractor today. This should be interesting. :-)

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Now I remember what I didn't like about St. Louis. The sweltering heat. I mean SWELTERING!!!! I took my car to get maintenance this morning. While I was waiting, I read a little from James Baldwin's THE FIRE NEXT TIME. Then, I decided to take a morning stroll for coffee. It was 8:30 AM. By the time I walked down the street I felt like I couldn't breathe! You see, in St. Louis, it's not the actual heat that gets you, but the humidity. The air you breathe in feel thick. Feels like you actually could cut it with a knife. And it feel like the air is pushing your shoulders down. You feel heavy and it makes you drag. Then, after a few minutes outside, your clothes start sticking to you. No matter what you wear: shorts, tank tops, whatever. It sticks to you. And like I said, this was the early morning. Way before the sun has had a chance to dig in and get settled up there.

In Cleveland, the spring and summer seasons were so short that I thought I missed the warm St. Louis weather. It wouldn't begin to warm up until June and sometimes it would snow by the end of September. I thought it was funny when the temperature would get up to about 80 degrees and everybody there was screaming heat wave! LOL They didn't know what a heat wave was! St. Louis sees 90 plus degrees often, and 100 plus degrees ocassionally. But it's not the high temperatures, it's the humidity that has you feeling like you're having an asthma attack.

And wouldn't you know? The auto technician couldn't find out what was wrong with my A/C, so he suggested that I take it to the dealer. So you know what that means. I'm about to get screwed. They know I need A/C and they're going to make me pay for it dearly, no matter what the problem is.

Sigh

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Great news! MY WEBSITE IS LIVE!!! Check it out!

Today was a great follow-up to yesterday's mammogram. For the first time, I participated in the Race for the Cure here in St. Louis. And I hear that we had the biggest number of registrants for the race. If so, that's awesome news. But I tell you, it was a tremendous experience, especially having just gotten my baseline mammogram.

First, the number of people downtown was overwhelming. I walked with my sister and her fiancee. And you saw all types of men, women, older & younger, various races, I mean everything. And the spirit was that of kinmanship and love. It was truly a blessed experience.

And you know, of course, as I'm walking, I'm taking in as much as I can. I just started focusing on the "In Memory Of" tags that many people wore. It seemed like at least 90% of the participants had names of a mother, an aunt, a cousin, a sister, a friend, or someone they knew who had breast cancer. Some people wore T-shirts with photos of a loved one. Some carried signs with theam names or the name of someone. When you think about it, I mean really think about it, it's overwhelming. I just began to read name after name after name. Cancer survivors wore special pink shirts and had a procession of their own at the beginning of the race. I'm tellling you, it was an experience.

It's great to see so many people come together in a spirit of love, understanding, and support, to unite for a single cause. One of many that affect us all in one way or another. I don't have a history of breast cancer in my family, however, I know that it doesn't mean that I may not be affected by it in the future. This experience, along with getting my mammogram yesterday, really brought to the forefront the greatness of this disease and need for a cure.

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Okay this was a slow writing week. After getting off to a great start, I got slowed down. Mainly by the doctor visits and therapy. I had five therapy and/or doctor visits this week with two of those appointments being today. I'm telling you. If you can at all avoid it, don't get hit by a car. Even if it seems minor (you're alive with no broken bones or concussion or whatever), you life will be hell and your schedule will be shredded to pieces. You'll get frustrated because your productivity is reduced and you'll want to not make your appointments, but stuff like back pain, neck spasms, and constant headaches will give you no choice but to go. But, if you're lucky enough to be one of those people who can stay positive through it all, you'll grin and bear it and get through.

Oh, and I go get my baseline mammogram done today. You know, the one I said I was doing like a couple of months ago? Well, I missed that appointment back then. So, I walk up to registration and the lady stares at me funny and asks me my name. She go gets my file and looks up at me and screams, "YOU DON'T LOOK THIRTY-XXX." I say she screams, but maybe it sounded like a scream because it was quiet. Nonetheless, she spoke very loudly. So, I smile. It's cool to get that reaction. She screams again, "YOU DO NOT LOOK THIRTY-XXX!"
"OH, I'M DEPRESSED. I'M YOUNGER THAN YOU AND I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT!"
(I look around to see if anyone is looking. There's a gentleman at another registration desk laughing and another lady behind the registration desk telling her to lower her voice and don't say my age out loud.)
"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS IS YOU! THIS CAN'T BE YOU!!!"
(Okay, I'm flattered, but now this is getting a little annoying. The other lady keeps telling her to lower her voice."

I tell her that indeed she's right, that I'm an imposter. I stole someone's identity to come in for the joy and thrill of having my breasts flattened between two plates and beautifully photographed. What can I say. It's the feel of the cold hard steel around my breasts. Gives me an adrenaline rush.

The other lady behind the desks laughs, but she ignores my little joke and is staring at me with her mouth gaping open.

"OH, MY GOD! COME LOOK AT HER AND SEE."
(Now I know I should feel special, but I feel like an alien.)
The other lady comes to see and quietly says, "no, she sure doesn't look thirty-xxx."

Well, finally, I got registered and got on with the mammogram. It's stuff like that that can make your day when you're having a rough. :-) Even if you don't get any writing done.

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Okay, Cydney's comments made me think of a couple more funny things. It's great when I get feedback from readers who've read the self-published book and enjoyed it. But it's funny when I get dead serious comments of how I need to send my book to Oprah. And they say it like it's an innovative idea that no one else has ever thought to do. Or either, they realize that by chance, another writer or two might have thought to do this, but they think my book is so good that Ophrah is going to be completely mezmerized that she will drop everything and try to book me for the show. Of course, I'd have to check my calendar and get back to her. Oh, I'm sorry, have my assistant's assistant to get back to her about when I can confirm for the show. LOL Now, while I am totally flattered and totally gracious that this person obviously really enjoyed my book, I'm not anxious to throw a perfectly good book into Oprah's slush pile. So, I usually just smile and say, "Now that's a thought!"

Oh, but the best was advice that this guy told me. That I needed to call up P. Diddy and tell him about my book so we could "do something" with it. That I should just call up Bad Boy Entertainment and get P. Diddy on the line. "Hey, yo P! I got this new joint that I want you to check out, y'knowhaimean? Hot off the presses, this book is slammin! Yo we gotta make a move on this one P. We gotta do a video, a play, a movie, sump'in! Yo, give me a holla back, yo. I'm out! One!"
LOL

Then, he scaled down a bit. He said I needed to talk to Eric Jerome Dickey (okay, y'all probably think I'm making this all up but I'm not! LOL Now, when writers put stuff from their life in a book, some people say it "doesn't ring true." LOL) and tell him about my book and propose that we make it into a play. Go in on it together. That I should negotiate with him and show him how this would be beneficial for both of us.

No, even though he was looking at all the EJD hardcovers on my bookshelf, I don't think he realized that this writer is already beyond successful and that what he was suggesting I do was like the singer Bobby Valentino calling Prince and saying, "Let's do a collaboration. I think it could be beneficial for the BOTH of us." LOL

But I take these suggestions and smile.

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It's been two years since I officially became a writer, and one year since I quit engineering to write full-time. And I was just thinking about my transitions. What are the differences between an engineering career and a writing career?

Well, the obvious is money. The biggest difference is money. I take that back. The biggest difference is happiness and fulfillment. As they say, find what is is that you truly love to do and try to make a career out of it. I'm trying my best. And yes, as I writer, I figured that I probably make less than a third of what I made as an engineer. Whew! Good thing I'm not materialistic! LOL The other sayings are true: Money isn't everything; money can't buy you happiness. I make less, but I have less stress, I'm happier, and I'm more fulfilled. I wouldn't trade my current position for anything in the world. I feel like it's what I was meant to do.

But I started thinking about my friends, family members, and strangers reactions to what I do now. The differences. It can be quite repetitious and funny. For example:

Family members: You're quitting engineering to write books (how will she eat?)?
Friends: You're quitting engineering to write books (how will she eat? Lawd! She's going to be homeless!)? Holding hands & bowed heads: Our father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...
Strangers: You're a full-time writer? Yeah, but what do you do for a living? What's your real job?


Family member: Your book is published and in book stores?! Wow! Can I get a loan? Cousin Lee-Lee's got this itch and she may die.
Friends: Your book is published and in stores? Wow! Let's go out. Your treat, you big baller you!
Strangers: Your book is published and in stores? So how does it feel to go to your book signings in a limo and fly first class?


Family member: You know, I've always wanted to write a book. Tell me how.
Friends: You know,a-heh, heh, I do a little writing on the side. Will you organize it for me, and um...publish it?
Strangers: I write too! Can I have your email or phone number can you can teach me step by step how to get it published? Will you publish it for me?


DAYS ONE AND TWO
Family, Friends, Strangers: Tell me about your next book!
Family, Friends: What are you doing today? Watching TV? (Um...writing)

DAYS THREE THRU SIX
Family, Friends, Strangers: What's the next book about?
Family, Friends: What are you doing today? (Writing)
Friends: Let's go.... (can't. I need to finish this 300 page novel)

ONE WEEK
Family, Friends, Strangers: What's the next book about?
Family, Friends: You finished that 300 page novel yet? (????)
Family, Friends: What are you doing today? (Writing)
Friends: Let's go.... (can't. I need to finish this next book.)
Any of them: I need you to help me write and/or publish...

WEEKS TWO THRU THREE
Family, Friends, Strangers: What's the next book about?
Family, Friends: You finished your next book yet?
Family, Friends: What are you doing today? (Writing)
Friends: Let's go.... (can't. I need to finish this next book)
A few of them: Will you help me write and/or publish....

ONE MONTH
Family, Friends, Strangers: What's the next book about?
Family, Friends: You finished your next book yet?
Family, Friends: What are you doing today? (Writing)
Friends: You still writing that same book? What do you DO all day? YOU'RE LAZY!!!


LOL
I'm just having fun with my family and friends, but it seems like this. No harm intended! I love all y'all, but are you listening when I tell you about the next book? LOL What's with the short term memory. (It's so funny because every time, they are so engaged in what I'm saying like it's the first time they've heard it.) And I'm a writer. Um...that means I write. LOL No, I'm not laying on the couch all day watching soaps and eating Bon Bons. Well, I do like those Dove chocolate ice cream bars with almonds. And I do watch The Young and the Restless. What's up with Lily? About to go on the run with Daniel? What is she thinking? Oh, I digress. But I write. And as much as I would like to, I find it very difficult to complete a 300 page novel in a week. LOL

No, really. I enjoy the questions. I just find them funny when you get the same ones over and over from the same people. As Alton would say, "It's all good!" (Now, if you don't get that, you need to buy my book and read it in September!) LOL

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I'm trying to tone down the giddiness I get with each little activity surrounding the book. You would think (at least I would) that I would be over the small stuff by now and would only get excited about things like say, a million dollar advance (okay, maybe stuff smaller than that too). But here it is my website designer just changed the format of the parked page announcing that my new website is coming and I'm flipping out and emailing all my friends. I don't know when the newness is going to wear off, but I can assure you that it hasn't come close to that yet. Anyway, the website should be up either this week or early next week at the lateset. I haven't seen it yet but I'm dying with anticipation,as you can imagine.

Okay, back to the BEA. The actual purpose for the trip to New York. LOL It was cool as always. This was my third year going. This year, I relaxed a little (some of it by force). In previous years, I had the first three chapters of my book to hand out to agents. I had postcards of my new cover that I gave out to as many people as possible. I was working the floor, getting to know people and trying to get people to know me and my book. Then I was collecting books along the way. The first year, I may have brought home a handful of books because I was unprepared and didn't know to ship books. In 2004, I drove and came prepared to get as many books as possible. Stayed all day for three days, wore flat shoes, and got as many books as I could. I'd fill up bags, then go empty them in my stored suitcase, and go back for more. I came home with hundreds of books! But again, I learned my lesson. Because now, I had all these books that I had no space for, and I wasn't even going to read a lot of them. So, slowly I engaged myself with giving away books, shipping book, etc., etc. So this year, I became more selective in what I picked up. I came home with 15 books that I absolutely want to read, and that I was able to pack in my suitcase and fly home. I visited the exhibits for 4 hours on Friday and missed Saturday because I got sick again from the pain medication. But all was cool, I was feeling better by that evening and made dinner with my publisher and the Blackboard Reception, which was PHENOMENAL!!!!

At the exhibits on Friday, I met the likes of Blair Underwood, Wynona Judd, and Jack Klugman of The Odd Couple. I got an autographed book from him. It's funny. The BEA is actually a place you can go star-gazing. Every year, there's some big stars or professional athletes. I remember seeing Neon Dieon (Sanders) in LA, I think, and Rhonde and Tiki Barber lst year in Chicago. They probably enjoy it because it can be low key or lower than what they're used to. You still get people asking for autographs (well, it is a book signing), but you usually don't see large groups of people surrounding someone famous like you see on TV. Book people are well behaved and orderly. You'll usually see a perfectly formed long line of people, patiently waiting to get to the front to quietly express their enthusiasm for having met the person in person. This may be followed by a book signing, an autograph, or a picture, and then the book lover smiles and walks away (reading the book if a book was given).

Ah, book people. You gotta love us!

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I'm back from New York! Don't know whether to be happy about that, or sad. New York was great. I went there for Book Expo America. I had actually debated going because it was in New York. See, I'm a small town girl. Kinda shy. Don't like large crowds and stuff. But I had a good time. Oh, yeah, and the conference was cool too. LOL

Okay, so the first thing I notice about NYC is that we're driving from LaGuardia Airport about 4PM on a Wednesday afternoon and we're going through Central Park and there are just people everywhere. In the middle of the week! It looked like the 4th of July weekend in Forest Park (St. Louis), minus the barbecue. I'm mean people were laid out on the lawn, sleeping, reading books, lolligagging... Others were skating, jogging, walking, getting ice cream from the a parked truck, meditating, etc. I'm thinking, it's Wednesday. I'd hate to see what the weekend in the park looked like!

Then, we drive to my hotel in Times Square and as you know about NYC, it was crawling with people. But instead of feeling edgy and at dis ease like I do the week of Christmas in a shopping mall, I was rather excited. I could have gotten whip lash from turning my neck here and there because there was so much going on. So many people. So many distractions. I immediately took my bags to the room and hit the streets. Just like in the movies, the crowds were so dense that people all but walked on top of cars that were trying to turn the corner. There were street vendors, street performers (ligitimate and the illegal ones who were keeping an eye out for the police and quickly shut down and closed up shop when they passed by). I mean, it was great. Sure, I was bumping into people and at times it seemed like I was not walking, but being carried down the street by the crowd, but instead of being irritated, it seemed like part of the NY experience. So, I went with the flow. Went to some nice restaurants and even took in a jazz set at Birdland. It was awesome! I had a great time.

You know, I never took pictures. Maybe I should start taking pictures of these experiences. I just like the memories. But maybe later in life, the pictures can bring out more memories than I would be able to remember on my own.

Oh, yeah, the Book Expo America. I did attend. LOL I gotta go but I'll talk about that next time. :-)

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Went to the orthodontist this week to hopefully get the braces off. Forcast is for 6 more weeks. :-(

Let's see, did I mention how so not fun it is to be on prescription drugs? And, yeah, I assume the same goes for non-prescription drugs too, but I'm not taking any of those. I go back to the doctor and in addition to doing physical therapy 3 days a week, she also prescribed a pain killer, an anti-inflammatory, and a muscle relaxer. Between these three friends, I hardly ever see the light of day. So you know there's hardly any writing getting done. Not only from being sleepy and out of it half the time, but also the fact that I can't sit up for a long period of time without my back giving out. Then there's the balance of the writing vs. pain threshold. The decision of when to take the meds. Basically, I have a choice between taking all the meds at a set time and be knocked out or non-creative for the day, OR try to hold off a little on the pain medication so I can be alert. Problem is, then I'm usually experience pain (like right now, my head hurts like I've been hit on the top of the head with a brick. As soon as I finish this, I'm taking meds so I guess the laundry will get done either later tonight or another day. I need a maid for my studio apartment). So basically, it's a lose-lose situation.

Hey, I don't even think I announced that my book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. Next week, I'm going to the Book Expo America convention in New York. Not sure I'll have as much fun this year as in previous years, but we'll just take it one day at a time. I'm signing galleys of my book at the Blackboard Awards Ceremony and Reception on Saturday, so that's going to be fun, I'm sure. And then, my publicist is working on the small book tour. Small. Very small. The key word is....SMALL. :-) But that's cool. We need to make people aware of me, my book, and my writing style and that's going to take time.

Okay, one last accident related thing I've been thinking about. This sucks! This is really messing up my plans for the summer. I need to hold off getting the motorcycle until I'm well enough to ride it. Therapy right now is going on through the end of June. By the time I get my license and a bike now, the riding season is going to be gone! I'm pissed! Well, I've decided that regardless, I'm going to at least get the license this year. Then next year, all I have to do is ride a few times, then get my bike (if I can't get it this year). But um....I'm not going to let this injury stop me from all the things on my to do list! I'm definitely going to try to sky dive, even if I have to do it by myself. Not sure how much affect it has on the back. Regardless, I'm going to wait until after therapy, but I'm determined to do at least that this year. Of course, I'll have to write about it and post pics here in my blog! :-)

Okay, I'm about to go knock myself out for the rest of the afternoon. This is no way to spend the beginning of summer and Memorial Day Weekend. If I hadn't said it before, this sucks!

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Thanks again to all of you who have posted comments, emailed me, or even called me about the accident. I'm doing okay, but I'm experiencing back pain at the moment. There's tighteness and pain in the base of my neck and I'm having problems lifting my right arm past the shoulder. I think that's from me trying to stop the car. :-) In any respect, it seems like the healing has stopped and now it's just consistent pain. But, I'm going to the doctor today and hopefully we will get to the bottom of all this very soon. Your concern has helped my spirits. :-)

Well, I've been getting some writing in here and there when I can. It's difficult and uncomfortable to sit up for a long period of time. And going out to restaurants and sitting in uncomfortable chairs to read and write has been all but impossible as well. It's funny how the little things mean so much when they are taken away. Oh, and another thing that I've noticed. It's like I'm having little panic attacks now when trying to cross a street. It's crazy!!! Because, I know what happened was an accident. I know I was crossing the street correctly and it wasn't my fault that I got hit. But I get extremely nervous now. My body shakes, my heart starts beating faster and harder. It almost makes my chest hurt. I break out in a sweat. And I'm thinking, "My goodness! I'm just crossing a street!!!" I think my mind would have been at ease if I was in the wrong. If I was jaywalking or had on a walkman or going against the light or something. But it was like the situation was out of my control. I saw this big massive car coming at me with no way to stop it or to get the driver's attention. So I guess now, my mind is being overly cautious, but it's driving me crazy. The first time, I had to turn around and go back home. I didn't know what the deal was. It didn't get better the next time, but I forced myself. I had tears coming out of my eyes by the time I got to the restaurant. And I stayed there for the longest time, trying to put off having to go through it all again to get home. The thing is, logically, I know it was just an accident. But apparently, I can't convince my body that it's not going to happen agian. This is driving me crazy.

So, I'm having a bit of a time trying to adjust and get back to a normal life. And the pain ain't helping! But, I'm hoping that this is just a minor interruption. Hoping things will get back to normal very soon.

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Okay, my Friday the 13th wasn't very good, how was yours? No, I'm not superstitious and don't believe in that stuff, but I did have a bad Friday. I got hit by a car as I was walking across a downtown street, headed to the Bread Company for lunch, reading and writing. If you read nothing else, please read this: Accidents happens. If you are ever in an accident and clearly in the wrong and at fault, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE show concern and remorse to your unintended victim. Even if for some reason you have to fake it. A simple, "I'm sorry. It was my fault," can go a long way in making pain and suffering more bearable. It can go a long way in someone seeing your humanistic nature, your compassion and in returning that compassion. But when you hit somebody and your victim is on the ground in obvious pain and there are tons of witnesses around, trying to blame the victim by saying, "She just jumped out of nowhere" when she had the green light, the walk sign, and was in the crosswalk with people walking in front of her," well, that possibly might even make your victim's pain and suffering even worse. Compassion goes a long way in healing and soothing the mind and body. If you're ever in an accident and clearly in the wrong, just apologize and see if there's anything you can do to rectify the situation. So yes, I'm walking across the street, headed to lunch and out of the corner of my eye, I see this massive moving object coming at me. It happened so fast. By the time I look at it head on, I'm in the path of the middle of the car to the passenger side. My mind tells me that I need to move quickly because this car is coming so fast and it appears not to be slowing down. At the same time, my mind is saying that the worse thing would be for me to freeze and be knocked down and run over by the car, because I was dead center of the moving vehicle. It's amazing how many thoughts go through your head in one or two seconds. I had envisioned being knocked down, run over and possibly dragged by the car. I don't know if my legs were actually able to run. I do know that my brain sent the signal, but I don't think my legs had time to react. The car was coming so fast. So the passenger side bumper hits my right thigh and hip (and arm, I think), and the force of it knocks me backwards, spins me around and knocks me down hard on the pavement on my right side. I use the ball of my left hand to brace the fall and I guess it jams my shoulder joint because it's sore later. And I land HARD on my left hip. Oh the pain! It really hurt! At first, it was just a looooonnnnnggg sharp pain. As we sat there waiting for the ambulance, the pain was diminishing, but never completely went away until I was given a shot of pain medication in the tushie hours later. On the pavement, the officer put out his leg and let me lean against it to try to ease the pain. But they didn't want me to move and I was sitting exactly how I landed, on the arm and the hip and it felt AWFUL!!!! I really wanted to lie down and take the pressure off, but the didn't know if anything was broken and didn't want me to move. Those were the most uncomfortable moments I have ever had in my life. I've never been in any type of accident with possible bodily injuries. Although I know it could have been a LOT worse had I'd been a couple of steps behind, but still, it was no walk in the park. So, it's the next morning. Now I'm feeling aches and new aches in places that weren't hurting yesterday. My lower back is stiffening up and hurting and the sharp pain in my hip is starting to come back. I have a headache. I didn't hit my head so maybe that's from stress. Don't know. And the right side, where the car actually hit me is starting to get a little sore. I'm just going to get the pain medication prescription filled and take it easy for the next few days. Gotta try to see if I can figure out a way to lie down and type because already, sitting and typing this post is hurting my left hip. I'll try to post periodically.

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Feeling rejuvenated about writing. I'm usually all over the place in what I want to do--my mind wonders terribly. So, I set a schedule so I can fit in a little bit of everything each day. In the morning, after meditation, coffee, and light exercise, I get myself in the writing mood by reading inspirational writing passages (Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul) and follow it up with writing studies (Story and Introduction to Literature). Then, I'm ready to roll right into writing, which I have allotted a block of 3 - 4 hours. Then, after lunch, I knock a few more items off my to do list. I'm past the urgent stuff now, so I just allot three hours to do as much as I can. Then it's break time. A siesta, leisure reading (if I so choose), or The Young and the Restless. Then the evening hours are filled with an aerobics class, reading, studying, and writing. Right now, I'm getting about six hours of reading and writing, and as the to-do list dwindles, I'll increase it to 8 - 10 hours minimum. If I didn't know it before (but I did), I can truly see it now. Writing is definitely a lonely profession and you really have to want to do it. No matter what the profession, others may see glory where you don't. When I was an engineer, I traveled a lot and a lot of people would tell me how "lucky" I was. Especially since I flew to California a lot. But I didn't feel lucky. There's very little fun in flying from Ohio to the west coast every other week along with traveling to other cities, living out of a suitcase, having to remember where you are and what city you're in when you wake up, and going to a large parking lot and not remembering where you parked, then realizing you don't even remember what rental car you're driving (and of course, this time you have a car without the panic alarm button, which is great for locating a car). It wasn't fun having a condo at home, but only being in it about 5 non-consecutive days a month. Just long enough to unpack, do laundry, and pack. It wasn't fun getting home an not knowing anybody in my area, and not having the chance to go out and make friends because I'd be on the road again soon. Yet, of course, others thought I was crazy to give up a lifestyle where I get to travel and have the company pay for everything. And it's funny to me how they would say, "Even if I had to work 16 hours a day, I'd still go out and enjoy the city and its night life." Yeah, right. As they say, the grass is always greener... So here I am with writing. Another lonely profession. But, it has its perks. I do like to explore, get out, observe people, listen to conversations. It's best to do this alone because if you bring a friend, then they want to talk and you miss out on observing others or taking in the atmosphere and writing about it. Bar and grills are so cliche, but still one of the best places to observe a variety of characters (oops! Did I say characters?) and the best conversations. Especially from those who've had a few. Yes, I'm there, reading a book, then pretending to read a book. I have my notebook out where I'm taking notes. People think I'm studying school work and when they ask, I lie and say, yes, I'm a student. I learned not to say I'm a writer because then you get the long list of questions: What do you write? What else do you do? You write-full time? I see, but, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING??? (This tickles me.) Tell me about your book. You know...I do a little writing myself. How did you get into it? What made you want to become a writer? And the list of standard questions goes on. I don't mind these questions, but not when I'm working. So, I no longer tell people I'm a writer. Usually, if someone knows, it's because somebody else told them. It's funny because some of the people I've been working out with for months are slowly finding out (because a girl in the class chose my book for her bookclub's book of the month), and afterwards, they seem to be in total awe. That's another thing that I really don't understand and don't have a preference for...The awe. Because it makes you feel like people think you're doing something special, and you're not. And it feels awkward. It feels like, I would imagine, looking like a famous person, and walking around accepting praises and signing autographs, undeserved, when you know you're bagging groceries at the neighborhood grocery store. Maybe when I have at least 5 books behind me, I'll feel differently. I'll feel like I've really done something noteworthy. I don't know what it will take. But it really feels awkward right now.

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I want to say thanks to everyone who posted comments or sent an email about my last posting. And yes, I'm getting back on the right track. Life happens in between writing, so you must tend to that. But for the most part, I'm back to reading about the writing craft and carving out a daily writing schedule. I'm getting into the routine of getting up early. No alarm clock, just somewhere between 5am and 6:30 am, depending on what time I finally made it to bed. I check email briefly, which has become a breeze since I left several online newsgroups. I'm an email junkie and when I hear that little beep for new mail, I drop everything and walk like a zombie to the laptop to see what it is. So, the best way to cut down on time distractions like that is just to cut it out. So, after email, I burn incense, do a spiritual reading, and meditate. I find that meditation does wonders for setting my whole day. It sets me in the mind of first clearing my mind, then filling them with positive, constructive thoughts. I'm a firm believer in the power of attraction and thoughts being energy. I could write several posts on this topic, so I'd better not get started. :-) So, then, after the mediation, I either go right into writing, or I'll read something on the writing craft, or I'll read a few pages of a novel first. Then, that's how I'm spending my writing time. Using my creative senses and floating between reading and writing. It feels good. Oh, and I took photos for the book. Oh, how I dread taking photos! I know it's probably considered a female mind issue, but yes, I think I look chunkier in pics, so I loathe taking them. So, I pull back my hair, find the appropriate black top, then set the digital camera on 5 second delay so I can find the right pose, the best angle, and the right balance of smile (one that doesn't give a hint of my braces that I thought would be off by now). So, about 40 snaps later, I was able to pick out 4 shots that I thought were half-way decent for the cover of the first book. I send them to my editor, relieved that the whole ugly process is now behind me. A couple of days later, my editor tells me that they think they want to go with the photo that I used for the self-published book because I'm smiling more and look more approachable. Oh, yeah, that's right. I didn't think about the right image to present on the author photo, and comparing the two, I have to agree with my editor (and even my agent who thought I was going for the serious author look), that I didn't have much of a smile, although I seriously felt I was smiling. It's just that I'm old as dirt and the thought of having a picture etched in time showing and old person with braces is not the most pleasant thought in the world. So, again, I was relieved when she told me that they find the first photo acceptable. Otherwise, I'd have to send in a picture with a bigger smile, which would mean another afternoon of me trying to find the right balance for the camera. And all is not lost. I'm using a few of the pics I took for the new website. And after the braces come off, hopefully the end of this month, I'm going to have pics taking and I'll be able to smile deeply on a picture for the first time in my life!

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A few days ago, I woke up at 4AM with what I think was my epiphany. It just hit me of how busy I seemed to be all the time. With personal stuff that I HAVE to get done. With book related stuff, but not much of it writing. Not much of it studying writing. Somewhere along the lines, things changed. Things went haywire. I think back to when I first decided to write. Yes, I was busy then too and that's why I didn't really write anything significant, even though I always wanted to write a book. Then, I just said that I'm going to make writing a book my first priority and I did. And I wrote a book and published it all in one year's time. But I had a FULL-TIME job then, as an engineer. I was on the road a good 85% of the time. I worked no less than 9 - 10 hours a day, sometimes as much as 16, and has stress headaches and body aches 50% of the time. Yet, through it all, I wrote. I got up at 4AM and wrote. I wrote on the weekends. I wrote, I wrote, I wrote. I read books on writing, I went to writer's conferences and workshops. I did nothing but writing and writing related things. I can finally say that I do believe I have been given a gift for writing, however, even with a gift you have to study, practice, mold, and shape it before it's any good. I spent all my time doing that. Then I self-published. You don't realize it, but self-publishing can move you in the direction of the business side of writing with marketing, promoting, and selling. If you're not careful, it can become the number one focus...for too long of a time. I woke up and I realized that I had been blessed with the opportunity to write full-time, but yet, I'm not writing full-time. Because I all of a sudden have so much to do. I haven't been to a writer's workshop or conference. I read books on writing every now and then. Writing is infrequent, and not consistent. I woke up wondering what happened? How did I get lost and wind up on the wrong path? I can finally say that writing is a gift. I, Cherlyn Michaels, do not write the stories. It's the creative spirit that many of us have been blessed with that does. However, even with the different gifts that we all have been given, it still has to be nurtured. So, if I don't read to it, feed it, nurture it, mold it, shape it, and let it grow, then what you're going to get is crappy-ass stories on paper that's not worth wiping with, let alone reading. But that's the path I'm on right now. That's where I'm headed. That is, if I don't make some changes now. So, I'm going back and starting over. I'm going back to what I did when I first decided to follow my passion and write. I have a publisher now and a publicist, so now I'm going to go back to studying writing. I'm going back to reading books on writing, taking classes and workshops to try to learn more and to improve, mold, shape my writing. I used to loved doing that and I miss doing that full-time. I do realize that as a writer, especially an unknown writer, I'm still going to have to promote. However, it should not come before writing. I'm a writer. Writers write. Good writers study and continually learn and strive to cultivate the gift they have been given. So, I'm making a lot of changes, cutting back on or cutting out the things or people that I'm allowing to stand in the way of writing. The madness stops now. That was my epiphany. Then I got up and wrote.

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I received my copy of Hyperion's latest catalogue and my book is featured. This is very exciting to see. Everything now gives me the feeling of doing it for the first time. It was just as exciting to get the Hyperion galleys last week and it's even more thrilling to see my book in their catalougue. Not that I didn't believe that I'm being published now, but seeing these little things makes it seem more real. It's like taking your greatest moments in life and being able to experience them for a second time. :-) I'm getting further along on my novella and I'm feeling good about it. This is an exciting project and I can't wait until I'm finished! The other ladies are done with their stories and they've been submitted. Leave it to me to come bringing up the rear. But it's cool. This one's going so well that I know I'll have it completed very soon. You know, alothough I grew up in church, I don't consider myself a religious person at all--I do consider myself to be spiritual, though. But I have been glued to the TV about the death of the Pope and the election of the new Pope. Even when I grew up in church, it was Pentecostal, and not Catholic. But I have been quite fascinated by the ceremonies, the history, the difference in teachings, the issues, etc. I'm sitting here right now watching Meet the Press and they are discussing the current issues of the teachings and women and leaders in the Catholic church. This is quite interesting, if I must say so myself. This is one thing I've noticed since writing my first book. It's like my sense to learn more things has become heightened. I've always loved learning and reading. I love buying those "For Dummies" books on different subjects, just so I can learn about something different in layman's terms. Sometimes I use the knowledge, sometimes I don't, or I haven't as of yet. I'm watching more programs that are teaching me something. I'm looking out for more workshops around town that will teach me something I don't know. And yes, all the while I'm doing this, in the back of my mind I'm storing up knowledge that I hope to use in a story or a character one day. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But either way, I enjoy learning new things and I enjoy what I'm doing.

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I'm going in for my baseline mammogram this afternoon. Not that I feel depressed or anything, but this is the first thing that's making me feel middle aged. :-) I just remember being young and thinking mammograms were for old women! LOL Geez! I can remember back when I thought being 21 was an adult (a WISE adult); being 30 was old; and being 40+ was having one foot in the grave. LOL It's so funny how the older you get, you realize that when you were younger, you didn't know jack squat. But the thing is, when you were that bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, wet-behind-the-ear (and whatever other cliche you can think of) teenager, you would have bet the million dollars that you didn't have that you knew it all and were smarter than anybody, especially your parents. So, I'm finally getting the message that while I feel like I'm wiser now, when I'm fifty, I'm going to laugh at myself for thinking 50 was older and how much I didn't know jack squat when I was in my 30's!

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Twenty-four out of forty-three must-do or die items finished. This is a lot tougher than working 9 -5 with set ending times and weekends. I'm discovering that with writing full-time, you have to consciously work in your quitting time and you're weekend. And you never get a full weekend really. It's like you're on call 24/7 because a story or a writing mood can hit you at anytime. My goal is to have my story finished by next Monday, before I go to Cleveland. I'm wrapping up some things there (still). Also, I'm making a stop in Erlanger, KY where my orthodontist is and hope to get the braces off. Keeping my fingers crossed. With all that's gone on, this 18 month process has turned into 3 years so far. Due to missed appointments due to traveling and moving. The braces are becoming a part of my permanent identity and I don't like that. My editor sent me the wording for the back of my book with all the blurbs. I'm to correct it and send it back, along with the black and white photo that I want to have in the back of the book. Photos are such an ordeal for me. Yes, because of the braces. Also, because I feel fat and hate to take photos but I think that's an innate female issue. It's like you're born feeling fat and not wanting to take photos because they make you look even fatter than what you think you look like and you become even more disappointed with your image, even though you know you're supposed to be happy with your body the way it is. Yeah, right. Then also, there's the black female issue of hair. No, I am NOT taking pictures with 2 1/2 month old braids. So, this week, I need to find a good braider (the last one sucked!), go buy some human hair, cut my existing braids, unbraid them (6 hours), wash, dry, and straighten my real hair, then go have a drink before spending another 6 - 8 hours getting my hair re-braided. I know, sounds like a lot, and it is. I have to block out a whole day and a half every time I get my hair re-braided. But I'd rather do that than spend 2 - 4 hours Weekly or bi-weekly in a salon and trying to figure out what in the heck I'm going to do with my hair on a daily basis, AND not being able to do anything with it after I do step aerobics and weight training, which is 4 - 6 days a week. So the luxury of just getting up and throwing my hair up in a ponytail or two each morning and going (5 minutes) is worth the day and a half to get it done every three months. So, somehow, I gotta find a new outfit (I HATE shopping), hopefully get my braces removed so I can smile for the first time, get my hair re-braided, and get photos taken by May 1st. LOL Yeah, right! LOL

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Okay, I got the correction done and sent off for Counting Raindrops. I have confidence that she's not coming back. "She's gon-na make it af-ter allllll!!!!" LOL And the good news is that I've gotten through 17 items of the original 30 items on my to-do list. The bad news is that the list increased daily (as I remember things) and the total list is up to 58 things to do. However, I did break this list into "Must Do or Die" and "Need to do ASAP." So, of the MUST DO list, I've completed 17 of 30, so I'm more than halfway done. Might be able finish up this weekend! One thing I don't have to worry about today is taxes. Today's the deadline, but I had my tax guy to file an extension on my behalf. I haven't even gotten to the box that has all my receipts yet, so I can't even begin to organize for taxes. I gave up doing my own taxes last year. It was just getting to be too much. Before that, I filed EZ for years! But then with the addition of the condo I owned for a short period of time before moving for the 6th time (I don't know why I bought anything with the way I move), then the business, I had to turn it over to someone else. Last thing I need is to get audited then hit with back taxes for erroneous deductions. And now, moving to Missouri where they got a whole new set of tax laws...I mean! Counting your CAR as personal property and paying tax on it?! If there were decent high rises right across the river in Illinois, I would have moved there instead! So, as it is, taxes are on the top of the Must Do ASAP list. The longer I put if off, the longer it will take me to do it.

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All my life I've had the strangest dreams. They're usually very kooky. There's been quite a few times where I will literally laugh myself awake. And most of the time, they're just plain weird and I get strange looks from people when I tell them about them. I keep saying I'm going to record my dreams, and I never do. And a lot of times, I lose the dream after I've been up for an hour or so. Then there are those that I remember generally, even if I forget some of the details. I don't think I'll ever make a story out of my dreams. Not unless I decide to enter into the Sci-Fi genre. LOL Last night I dreamed that the world was coming to an end. But not like the second coming of the Lord. More like an invasion of another species from out of space and they were called Androids (wasn't that in a movie or a cartoon or something?). First, I was sitting in something like a congregation or a large lecture hall or something. All of a sudden, you could feel the world spinning. It felt like going down a rollercoaster. Then it changed directions and you could feel the world spinning backwards. Don't ask me how we felt it, but everybody in the dream did. Then, I remember being directed outside in mass droves. The Androids were taking over. They had bullhorns and were directing us. We had to form lines. At a certain point in the line, you passed an Android that was handing out paper. I remember looking at the paper and it was a test. Differential Equations. My heart started beating faster. But lo and behold, a few paces up, there was a human being passing out cheat sheets. So, I got a cheat sheet that had all the answers to the Android's Diff-EQ test! No lie! LOL So, we're being directed inside this big hall in order to take the test, but we have to pass the front table, where we pick up a number 2 pencil. Also at the table, there was one Android checking to make sure the humans didn't have cheat sheets. Problem was, we were passing the table in mass amounts and it couldn't check everybody. I was with my old highschool friend, Sherron. She didn't have a cheat sheet and she got through. She was rushing me and I picked up my #2 pencil and told her that I needed to try to sneak past with my cheat sheet. She looked at me like I was crazy. She told me I should go back there (she pointed somewhere in the crowd) and have a chip implanted or embedded. She told me that this chip had all the answers. So I guess there was a human in the crowd implanting a chip in people that gave them answers to the test. LOL Then I woke up. Laughing. Now, don't ask me what happened if we passed or failed the test. And although people say dreams have meaning, I have no idea what this dream could mean. But this is typical of all my dreams. Could it mean that the world will be taken over by a highly intelligent species? Could it mean that all that math I took in college did find use in my life after all? Or could it be subconscious guilt coming to the surface and haunting me since I did employ the use of a cheat sheet or two in college? But who in the heck dreams about math equations anyway? See, that's why we were called nerds in engineering school! LOL

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Sometimes I just don't get it. I could spend a day hardly doing anything strenuous or doing very little of anything and the next day I have the hardest time getting out of bed. Other times, like yesterday and this morning, I could be going all day long and stay out late, but then be up to watch the sunrise. Go figure. But then again, on days like this, I'm likely to be sleep from 2 to 5 pm or so! But it was a beautiful morning this morning. I watched Starting Over. I kinda like that program. Then a couple of travel shows that went to Germany and Sicily. Interesting. Then I got up and blog hopped to the rising sun. Unfortunately, my apartment faces northwest, so I could really see the sun rising, however, it was a beautiful view overlooking the Mississippi river anyway. Today I gotta work on those edits (you know, the prodigal manuscript), then I want to knock off items on my to-do list. I put together a list last week because it seemed like I was just super busy all the time, but like not much was getting done. So, I had to actually put a list together and mark things off so I could see the progress I'm making. So far, I've knocked 5 things off my list of 30. But it does seem like each day that I knock things off, something else is added. So that's probably why it seemed like I was always working, but never accomplishing anything. The question is, will there ever be a day when I have absolutely nothing on my to-do list? A day where I can just devote the whole day to reading and writing? I keep believing so and I keep plugging away at my list. But it seems like I'm digging in a bottom-less pit.

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I can't stress enough how great it is to have editors. Well, I did get the final edit finished and submitted by the due date. Once again, feeling relieved that I could finally put that baby to rest for now, and focus on finishing my novella and second book. But wait! She came back! Well, at least a little part of her. Seems my copyeditor caught an inconsistency within the story. And when my editor emailed me about it, without even going back to the story to look at it, I knew it was true and that it needed to be fixed. I could see the problem, and thank goodness, the solution that would need to be applied. It's going to take some minor re-writing. But it's like again, she just won't leave the house! She needs to get out there on her own and let me tend to the other chilluns. LOL I'm going to the Cardinals pep rally at Kiener plaza in a bit. I'm going to LOVE living here in downtown St. Louis. I have a beautiful view of the riverfront and Laclede's Landing, and I'm about equi-distant away from both Busch Stadium (old Cardinals stadium) and the Edward Jones Dome (Rams stadium). So, whether I go to the game or not....TAILGATE and pre-game parties!!!! This is going to be awesome. People drinking. Can you imagine all the good stuff I'm going to eavesdrop on this summer! LOL I'm excited. I had a friend over and we went over the list of things to do. Gotta go to a few Cardinals games because this is the last season in the old stadium. The new stadium is being built right next door and will open for the 2006 season. I gotta get pics of the old stadium, especially when the knock it down. Then, my friend agreed to share with me some of the other things on my list. He's going teach me to swim. No problem. But he says he's going to also go skydiving with me. I'm finally going to do that this year I think. Been dying to do it forever. But I thought I was going to have to do it alone because I've come to find out that I have very few friends who want to share in my joy on that one. LOL But, when I do, I'll be sure to have pics taken so I can post them. And finally, we're looking into getting our motorcycle license together. Looking into a motorcycle safety class and I'm looking to buy my first bike right after. Hopefully by May. My first choice is a Suzuki GSXR-600. Second is a Kawasaki Ninja 600. I've been watching eBay for a Gixxer in Yellow, Red, or Blue. I'll post pics of this too!

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GO FIGHTING ILLINI!!!! Okay, so I'm walking the streets of downtown St. Louis, just out and about, walking to work whatever. I'm smiling and saying hello to all these fine, good looking men (thank goodness I look 10 years younger than I actually am!--LOL). And I feel a pain in the back of my neck. Just a slight, tightness. A slight soreness, if you will. I rub the back of my neck and say hello to another fine stranger. As I bring my neck back down to normal position, it hits me. I look around, all around. What's wrong with my neck is what's wrong with this picture. This is NOT the NCAA Final Four Weekend here in St. Louis. This is the 1st Annual Tall People's Convention! It's the invasion of the Skywalkers. These people are TALL!!!! I'm in awe. I have never seen so many tall people in my life. At 4'11 as many of you know, no wonder my neck is getting stiff! LOL At the hotel of my assignment, we have the box to one of the players sneakers. Let's just say I can fit 2 PAIR of my shoes in his shoe box, plus have room for socks! Anyway, it's been a great weekend. But I must say, all I've been able to do get out for only a minute or so before I go to work. This is no fun and I've already vowed never again to take an assignment during a major event where I'm working in the evening. I'm missing everything in the evening and I'm sleeping through the day. This isn't fun. Okay, I got about 4 hours before I have to get ready to go to work so I'm about to grab my camera and see what I can see.

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Things are about to get interesting. It's the beginning of the Final Four weekend in St. Louis and I'm downtown, in the midst of it all. So you know I want to get out and about in the midst of all the happenings and soak it all in and find some new characters for my books! LOL But this is going to take a little management. For one, I need to finish up my proofread because that's due Tuesday. Then, I have a temporary assignment at one of the downtown hotels. My hotel is the second hotel down from the Dome, where the games are being played. Oh, boy, this is always an interesting site to see. Lots of people go star gazing. Just hanging out to see what famous people they can catch a glimpse of, take pictures with, and get an autograph from. Me? I've never been much of a star gazer. I could care less about somebody scribbling their name on a piece of paper....well...unless it's a famous author that I idolize. Otherwise, I'll just go for the memory. But what I like to do is go groupie gazing. Man! Groupies are the most interesting and comical group of people you could ever see. Full of excitement, fantasy, mixed with a touch of delusion. And their choice of how to present themselves on that particular day ranges from understated and inconspicuous to "what in the hell was she thinking?" and "unh-unh...no that AIN'T the momma!" LOL

And fellow writers, you know the routine. LOL You stroll around and listen for dialogue. Listen to people scheming to get into so and so's hotel room. Listening to others think out loud of how if they can get into the line of sight of so and so, then so and so would realize that she was the one he's been looking for all his life, and he'll pull her out of the crowd and they'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Yes, I love groupies. I'm going groupie watching this weekend!

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Half-way through the final proofread! This is funny because now I'm reading this story again, line by line. Have you ever been mesmerized by your own writing? Doesn't it make you feel conceited? As if you're looking in the mirror and saying, "Damn! I look fine!" LOL You wouldn't dare say it out loud. I'm trying to proofread my story and I'm getting caught up in it. Mostly because I come across lines that I don't even remember writing. And I'm going, "Wow! That was brilliant!" LOL Now, others may not think so, but I'm in awe. This is fun.. But seriously, I do hope others enjoy the story and that's what I really think about while I'm reading. I'm scrutinzing every line and trying to think if the average reader will enjoy it. An impossible task to take on, but I think most writers do that. I got a conference call with my editor and I think my new publicist tomorrow. I'm excited about that. When you self-publish first, you're used to doing your own promotion and publicity. So, I've already got my own promotional plan outlined. LOL But I need to calm my little butt down. Yes, even with a traditional pupblisher, I'm still going to have to promote myself. But now I do have to consider the fact that I have a team working with me and we need to decide publicity together so that I won't conflict with what they're trying to do. I can a little eager beaver at times. Anyway, I'm anxious to have this call and discuss the publicity for Counting Raindrops. I signed up with a temp agency. I decided to stay in the workforce, but I don't want a full-time job. So, by signing up with an agency, I can be a permanent temp. I'm going to take assignments from time to time. That way, should I ever have a down period in the publishing industry, I would have still been active in the workforce and would be able to get a job to take up the slack. This week I'm working at a hotel for the Final Four Weekend. St. Louis is going to be HOT this weekend! I live downtown and the hotel I'm working at is within walking distance. Good thing because ALL the hotels are booked, which means parking is going t o be a bi-otch! So, I don't plan to move my car at all after Thursday. I'm planning to go to the grocery store to stock up on food, water, and batteries. Why batteries? I don't know. But whenever there's a tornado, thunderstorm, or blizzard, ,you always stock up on batteries. Final Four weekend seems to fit this category. Henceforth, batteries!

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It's a go! My editor and I agreed on the full storyline for the second book. That was a great experience. We had no trouble agreeing on the final storyline. And I love it and I'm looking forward to writing it. Okay, so I think I'm about to devote 100% of my writing time to finishing up this novella I'm working on for an anthology. And guess who shows up at the door again? That's right, Counting Raindrops! LOL I'm new to the process so I didn't realize how many reads I would have to do before it goes to print. It's like Counting Raindrops is the first child that won't leave the house completely. She just keeps coming back when you're ready to move on and focus all of your attention on the next baby! Ahhhh!!!! But I talked to my editor and found out that this should be the last read before it goes to print because there were no MAJOR corrects in the copyedits. So, I'll give her my attention and send her out into the world again by April 5th. After that, she should not return again and I'll watch her blossom into the beautiful flower that I've raised her to be. (I know, that's soooo corny!!!) LOL

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So I'm waiting for next week to hear the feedback about my proposal for my second book. It's already underway, however, I had the synopsis and outline due Tuesday. And guess what? I actually got it in a day early! WOW! But in my eagerness to write the ultimate sophomore novel, I sort of went outside the boundaries so to speak. Colored outside the lines....went from shallow to deep. It made me realize that I have more than one writing style in me. Even so, the name of the game is to build an audience first, then explore what I can do. After a conference call with my editor, I agreed that this would have been a great departure and would probably leave the people who liked my first book saying, "What the heck???" LOL So, I revised it to put it along the lines of Counting Raindrops and I'm waiting to hear the feedback this week so I can proceed. This is a lot different than self-publishing, I must admit. Can't say worse though. Because if I self-published, I would have gone with my first story draft and I think I would have had a hard time establishing a core audience. Sometimes, two heads are better than one. And I'm keeping the first storyline for a future book, so all is not lost! Missouri, Missouri, Missouri. This state is going to have me going off the deep end! Trying to get license plates for my car has been a week long ordeal. First, they have all these tests here...safety inspectiton, emissions... Then I have to get a waiver for my personal property tax. Then you take all these items and go to the license bureau. Fine, if everything goes off without a hitch. But that has been so not the case for me. I failed emissions, not because there's an emissions problem with my 4.5 year old Jetta, but because the check engine light was on which fails it whether you have an emissions problem or not. So, I go get it checked out, it's fine, they turn off the light and that's another afternoon wasted. Tax waiver...my fault I guess. I go to a location recommened by a friend, which happens to be across town. First time, I forgot a needed document and had to do it the next day. Second day, I take a number, wait an hour to be called to find out I need to go downtown to get my waiver because I live in the city. Downtown...a couple of blocks away from home...I could have walked. So now, there's no time for me to make it there before closing. So, hopefully by Tuesday, I'll finally have Missouri plates...although I'm not so sure I want them now.

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More great news! (I love when I'm able to start a post this way). I received from my editor the first author blurb that came in. It's from an author that I admire, JD Mason and she had many good things to say. It gives you a great feeling when another author, a well-known and seasoned author, pays your story and your writing a compliment. You accept that everyone, other writers included, will not like your story. Fact of life. But when another writer can sit back and laugh, get angry, and cry while reading your book, that gives you an awesome feeling. Especially when its an author whose writing style you admire as well. I've been sick all week. Ever since getting back from Cleveland on Monday. It slowed me down quite a bit too. I didn't have the energy to work out, which I'm sure people at the gym appreciate since I didn't because I didn't bring my sickness to them. But my furniture arrived Thursday and I had to unpack, sort, and arrange stuff in order to get around. Oh yeah. Try doing this while your nose is running like Niagra Falls, and your coughing, sneezing, and your throat feels like you swallowed a porcupine. If you're clueless, let's just say it's not the best feeling in the world. Ah, but I managed to get some things unpacked so I'm able to move around my studio apartment. I even alternated writing so I can try to meet my Tuesday deadline. Will I make it? Don't know. I'll know by tomorrow whether I will or have to go begging to my editor yet again for an extension of a few more days. I hope she's not getting sick of me already. Seems like I'm always asking for something. LOL

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It's moving day! Lawd, I swear I've been moving for the past six months! I came back to St. Louis in October of last year, lived with my sister for 3 months, got my apartment in January, now I'm finally moving the last of my furniture and personal belongings from Cleveland. The things you have to do to realize your dream! LOL Well, I drove to Cleveland on Sunday to grab a few more things and to be there with the movers to make sure everything went smoothly. They told me my things would arrive here in St. Louis 4 - 10 days later. I got a call yesterday saying that it's arriving today. AWESOME!!! After this move and after unpacking, my transition period will be over. I'm going to try my best to stay put. I hate to move, but yet I haven't stayed in one place for more than two years in the past eight years. I guess it's good I don't have a kid. She'd be feeling like a rag doll right about now. LOL Through all of this, I'm still trying to finish up my synopsis and novella for this anthology. Ideas are rolling in my head for both and I just need the time to finish them up. Life gets in the way sometimes. I keep telling myself that things will be better once I finally get things settled, but that's taking a long time. But I think the end is near, FINALLY. The things you do to realize your dream!

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Life keeps you busy. Try doing all those little things that you take care of on a periodic basis all at once. For three straight days in a row it's taken me all day to take care of life's incidences, and it's just me. Geez! If I had children or a husband. I don't see how women do it. Nor do I care to find out at the moment. I'm single and loving it. I've been writing here and there but like yesterday, I didn't get any writing done at all. I've been shopping for insurances, taking care of health care needs, trying to get the car fixed so I can get the car legal, arranging to make the final move from Cleveland to St. Louis and other stuff. Plus the normal every week stuff of laundry, groceries, etc. It's a full-time job just living! I've been writing a tad bit here and there but like yesterday, I didn't get a chance to write at all. With what I have to do today, not sure if I'll get a chance to write today either. But next week, all of this stuff will be taken care of and my life shouldl be smoother. Then I'll have to do taxes! Trying to fit some reading in during the waiting periods. You know, the doctor's office and while picking up drugs (prescriptions). :-) I'm about to go for my first round of car repairs and I'm taking along Good In Bed by Jennifer Weiner and The Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah. Not that I'm planning to finish both. Heck, I'd better not finish one! Yes, taking care of myself and doing the things that I need to do is a full-time job plus! Maybe one day I'll get organized enough and get my life situated enough to consider those other things like a relationship. Maybe next year. :-)

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Aaahhhh!!!!! I got my first check from my publisher the other day and boy do I feel great! It took me an entire day to deal with personal finances. Trying to get things in order because this is going to be a little different for me. Instead of the security of a check every two weeks, I have to learn how to budget a lump sum over several months. Underbudgeting is no problem, but should I over budget or over spend...let's just say it won't be pretty! So I'm planning things out so I can avoid ever getting in that situation. And while I'm planning, I get a call from my friend's girlfriend, telling me about a shoe sale and these ankle boots she saw that caused her to think of me. I broke out in a sweat when she told me. My heart started beating faster and what's that? Chill bumps ran down my arms and the little hairs on the back of my neck stood up. But no, I've got to get my priorities straight. I'm going to have to learn not to be driven by impulses. So when she called me yesterday, I didn't go. That would've been impulse buying. So instead, I waited a day, thought about it and I'm going today to get those boots. It's no longer impulse buying. It's well thought out and planned!

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I got the copyedits done and FedEx-ed them yesterday. I met the deadline. Yea! Now I can concentrate on meeting the March deadline for the detailed synopsis and outline for book two. I just got word this morning that we got the go ahead from my agent on an anthology that I'm doing with four other authors. So, I have to quickly finish up my story and we need to put the finishing touches on all of them before we send them all to her. Things are really moving now and I'm extremely excited and motivated! Lots of writing to do. I'm about to go run on a treadmill to give my body the second wind it needs so I can focus a little more.

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Edits are going good! Although I had really hoped to be finished by now, I've made great progress nonetheless. I should be able to send it off this weekend for the Tuesday deadline. Then, I can work on finishing up the synopsis and outline for the second book. It'll be great to focus at least 90% of my writing time to that too. I'm still working on a novella as well. I've already planned that this is going to be a writing year for me indeed. The goal is to have book two written by the deadline, as well as book three. Plus, I want to have at least three novellas or short stories written. What this all means is that I'm planning on spending a heck of a lot of time alone. But it's my birthday weekend. I have an event today. I'm speaking on a panel about the choice of reading fiction vs. non-fiction. Then afterwards, I'm hanging out with a friend to celebrate. Saturday, I'm hanging with the ladies of SHERAH for movie night. It's girls night out and we're just going to watch a movie, eat pizza, drink wine, and do what we do best....TALK!!!!! LOL Should be a lot of fun! And oh, yes, I'm writing in between all of this.

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Finally got the synopsis done yesterday! All right! Now I'm back to the copyedits and the outline and synopsis for the second book. Things are on the move now. Now, only if I can fit everything else in...laundry, getting a new drivers license and new insurance, change of address, and the list goes on. Man! I don't see how people with children do it! LOL Unless you have nannies and housekeepers. It's just me and I can't even fit in all that I need to do! Just went to the shop next door to grab a cup of coffee. It's a routine now, even though I have my own coffee maker. Going next door gives me a chance to get out in the morning and let the fresh air hit me in the face. I get a chance to breathe in the energy and creativity in the atmosphere to help jump start my own energy and creativity. Even though I'm partial to hot weather (not warm, but HOT), even the cold air feels good against my skin in the morning. When it warms up a little, I'm looking forward to changing my routine around to get out and do a morning walk or jog along the riverfront. Maybe watching the sun rise on some mornings. Our rooftop has a pool and an observatory and the view is spectacular. I can see myself hanging out up there, coming up with new ideas. :-)

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I'm so happy to hear from one of my favorite authors about doing a blurb for my book. In addition to the galley Hyperion sent her, she also emailed me to see if I had a detailed synopsis. How cool is that?! So, I told her I'd get one together for her this weekend. Here it is Monday morning and I'm still not finished. I should be finished today though. After I get back from my two doctors appointments. So maybe I'll be done this evening and can shoot it to her by email. During all this madness, I'm using books to relax and re-group. I started reading The Coldest Winter Ever. It's been on my shelf a very long time. Years. Like so many other books I have, I just haven't gotten to them yet. So I started reading it, but I had to stop. I'm not a very big fan of street or urban lit. Now, I must say, Coldest Winter is well written and it's a good storyline. I've browsed some street lit books at the bookstores and usually I'm kinda turned off by the writing. Not the writer, but the writing, or the story. Much in the same way that I usually don't care for stories written from a child's point of view and in a child's voice. So, it's a personal preference thing and not a reflection on the writer. I put Coldest Winter down to go back to another book I was reading, Soul on Ice by Eldridge Cleaver. Before I went to sleep last night, I read quite a chunk from it. I finished up the part that's about his reaction after Malcolm X was assassinated and he goes into the changes in the generations of whites and blacks. Very interesting read. I also went to my women's group meeting yesterday. SHERAH (Sisters helping each other reach a higher height). Founder Shante Davis brought in a speaker to talk to the ladies about HIV/AIDS, and how the number one group of new cases now is African American women. We discussed the issue and how we can protect ourselves. While I thought I was up on the issue, I was pretty surprised that I walked awayy with new information. She also brought a map that broke down the number of HIV & AIDS reported cases by zip codes in the St. Louis area and it was mind blowing. And those were the ones who actually got tested. We know there's so many people who haven't been tested and have no idea they have HIV. I left with information that I will further apply 100%. If anyone hasn't been in a seminar on HIV/AIDS lately, I would highly recommend it. Even if you think you know all there is to know.

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I'm not as far along in copyedits that I expected to be. I feel like I've read this story a thousand times and my mind keeps drifting to the book two while I'm working on book one. I started writing Counting Raindrops in 2003, so it's like I've been working on this book for two years now. Don't get me wrong, I love the story and I love the idea of making it even better for the traditional publisher version. But as a writer, I'm anxious to get on to book two and book three. I'm excited about both of these books and ready to give all my attention to them. In due time though, I know.

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Just came back from a marathon drive to and from Cleveland to pick up more of my things. I left for the 10 hour drive to Cleveland Monday morning, packed the car, then drove back Tuesday morning. It was long, but peaceful. Driving alone is so serene, so calming. Listening to the radio, being alone with your thoughts, stopping when you want to...It was great.

So I'm back home and about to unpack the car. Got an email from my editor telling me my copyedits are on their way and due back on February 22nd. So, I need to get organized so I can focus on that while completing my outline and synopsis for the second book, which is due March 15th. Then I speaking on a panel on February 18th, which is my birthday weekend. Another event on the 25th. I don't necessarily like being busy while these deadlines are looming, but I'm learning that I'm going to have to balance. Staying out and about is long term promoting and introducing myself to people. So, I want to keep up with that too. Once again I'm being reminded that even in being a full-time writer, there's still not enough time!

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Okay, contracts are done. I sent them back on Monday and became a full-time writer the same day. Um...not by choice. Well, seems that the job found out about my engineering degree and even though I was doing an awesome job as a marketing administrator, they decided that I was over qualified and let me go. Can you believe that? Geez! I feel blessed in that I got my contract off and that I won't need the job to survive. So, guess what, I'm making lemonade! I've decided not to look for another job and just to be a full-time writer. I desperately need to get further along in my writing and that's difficult to do when you're even working a straight 8 to 4. But, really, again, GEEZ! This was the most funny experience to me. You know this is going to go in a book somewhere! LOL

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Finally got my contract! Whew, I tell you. This is a mighty long process. The contract looks good. I had previously bought a couple of references on first contracts for writers. Guess I was kinda hoping for this day way back when. But anyway, it appears that my publisher has done right by me. I think this is going to be one fine partnership. So, anyway, as soon as I hear back from the attorney who will explain the legal language in terms I can understand, it's on to the next stage. I'm so much looking forward to getting things squared away. I'm finding it hard to really focus on writing when I have things hanging over my head. It's funny how issues can creep there way into your mind when you're trying hard to focus on something else. Speaking of that though, I'm doing good with some of the changes I made in my life. I think I hit that mid-life crisis thing I hear about all the time. I started searching for spiritual enlightenment, which I found and I'm still learning. But mediation is something that helps me to clear my mind and focus better. Ahhh, but still, even that, you have to practice. :-) I became a vegetarian two months or so ago and I'm feeling great. I don't have any cravings for meat because I was never a big meat eater anyway. I'd take a bowl of cereal over a steak any day! LOL But I'm feeling much better and I'm um...regular. LOL Now I'm trying to learn how to eat right. How to get enough protein and fiber and lower my carb intake. Yep, I'm trying to lose 15 pounds too. I keep saying 15 pounds even though I've lost weight, but the goal somehow stays the same. I want to look better when I mount my Ninja 600 this Spring. I'm buying a bike and my cousin's going to teach me to ride it. Been wanting to learn to ride a bike for a long time and I'm finally going to get one. So, is that a mid-life crisis thing or what? LOL

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This weekend I got in my author photos to my publisher. Sounds like nothing major, however, I was freaking out. They needed photos right away and my hair was a mess and I wouldn't be able to get my microbraids re-done before they needed it. However, after discussing with my agent, she found that I could just send the pic on the back of the self-published version so that's what I did. Goodness! I just signed and didn't want to give the publisher the impression that I might be a "diva." LOL

I'm excited that my contract is finally in. Boy do these things take a long time. It's funny because you're not worried about it because you know it's coming. I had no plans of actually even needing the money. But then I got off the road from selling books. Man, I knew that personally pushing your book was important, but I didn't realize how much until I stopped touring. Subsequently, I stopped promoting too. Because of transistion, moving, etc. Just no time at the moment. And I tell you, sales dropped tremendously. I'm not pushing, promoting, and selling and these books do not sell themselves! LOL So anyway, I'm not receiving the income that I was when I was on the road. Man, I was able to pay bills, finance my road trip, plus have a little spending change. Well, that's gone now and wouldn't you know it. As soon as I'm at a financial low, EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING happens. The main thing was the car. I knew I needed tires, but then I had this expensive problem with something that effected the steering, then brakes, and something else that I can't even remember right now. And you know everytime you go to let a mechanic breathe on it, that's and automatic $2oo bucks right there. So, I ended up having to use my rent and moving money to keep the car running. Then, I used the savings to stay afloat on bills for awhile and a sistahs head is just a mess! And I had, or I THOUGHT, I had a sizable cushion too! To make a long story short, a sistah is now watching the mail twice a day (just in case the mailman meant to leave something the first time, forgot, and had to come back to drop it off!). It's getting real ugly.

So in the meantime, I'm doing what writers do. I'm pimping my skills in corporate America. I'm doing it the writers way though. Making sure I don't have a job that requires my mind or body for more than 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week. Still, you lose a lot of time not being a full time writer and actually spend a lot of working time thinking about (and secretly writing) stories. I'm just dying to going back to writing full time. But a writer's got to do what a writer's got to do. It's funny. I was getting moral support from my agent who knows exactly what I'm going through because she's a writer herself. And although it doesn't solve your problems, it helps to talk to others who understand. (Unlike a non-writer friend who said that this is not working for me and I needed to get out there like him and "hustle." Um...meaning "street hustle", if you know what I mean. Yeah, right. Can you see me out there on the corner in my white T and baggy saggy jeans with my hands in my pockets trying to hold my jeans up? I don't think so.) She told me stories of having to beg, borrow, and steal. She even worked construction! Like I said, doesn't solve your problems, but let's you know that you're a bonafide writer. :-)

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